I watched peanuts the hour after my 1 year relationship had ended. It was a scene where Charlie brown was sad because he felt like he had no more hope in his life and that he was a really awkward guy who couldn't socialize with any girl he liked, or anyone that liked him back.
It made me realize that there are so many people out there who have such a crazy life, just like I do, that feeling of sonder was very eye opening for me. I think it's made me a better person, it's made me be kinder to others, even those who once hurt me, because I don't want to be like her.
So live your life in ways that makes you the most happy and a way that serves your purpose as well.
I realize that those letters and poems I wrote for her, the flowers I had picked and the chocolates I had bought, that love I had planted for her in my heart was suffocating my own self, to the point where I couldn't even say that my heart was mine in the first place. Every year was a struggle, the first was the most difficult though, she had taken everything by just taking herself away from me.
I would recover, feel better, get better, eat better for the whole year, and then I would see her on the train and just like that, with just a glance, she would wipe my identity and sense of self once again, and the cycle would repeat again.
I still pray not to see her randomly in town. But it was good while it lasted. I loved it. She had my heart, and I had hers, and that's enough for a lifetime. Anyways, have you ever been in love?
It's pretty good.
